NSFW

Who needs The Ashes when there’s Grantchester’s finest to watch?

Well, when we say “watch” it’s more “occasionally glancing at the pitch in between glasses of Waitrose rose and fevered debate about why men can’t change the loo roll when it’s finished but instead balance the new one on top of the empty cardboardy bit”.

In fact, the debate became so high octane (if not high brow) that the face of Travers, B turned as florid as his fuchsia shirt as he turned round to “SHHHH” us yet again (see blogs passim).

Wags are beginning to think of him as a sort of self-appointed headmaster, so have decided that from now he should be treated with due deference.

We will now quake at the thought of being called to the Headmaster’s Chair for a telling off, particularly if he dons the pith helmet at the same time (is it the wine, or does that sound faintly obscene?)

In the meantime, however, Professor Sue Bailey’s cricketing knowledge is gaining pace.

This week, thanks to Mrs Wag and the Headmaster’s wife, she learnt The Difference Between a Four and a Six.

Admittedly this did take some time, and her success rate hovered at around 50/50, but at this rate she could be GCC’s official scorer by the end of the season (the season when Prince George of Cambridge will probably be starting uni, obvs)

But enough of idle chit chat and loo roll politics  (with three men in the house, Mrs Cap’n Wilson was particularly eloquent on the subject)…onto the prizes…

BEST DRESSED

The Headmaster did his best with a fuchsia effort but unfortunately clashed rather horridly with his chair, so loses points.

And in truth, there really was an outstanding winner this week – step forward Mr Mark Hughes.

He had already set a high standard the previous week with not one, but two outfits.

Outfit 1 was what fashionistas call “grunge biker chic” – low slung Union-Jack-patched trousers, white vest and biker boots, accessorised with bike and biker friend.

The whole look teetered perilously on that sartorial tightrope between “well hard” and Village People, but Hughesy pulled it off.

After a spin on the Harley he returned with Outfit 2 – in which he would not have looked out of place on board a yacht in St Tropez.

Crisp shorts, a matelot stripy top and blue espadrilles – the perfect weekend smart-casual look.

NB His Honour Judge John Bailey – this is how to do cricket clothes; quite frankly you’re not cutting the mustard with that “crumpled-eccentric” look and the Professor would like to see you competing for the best-dressed prize with a little more vigour.

Onto this week, though, and we have to say Hughesy outdid himself.

Perfect white chinos, a black and white shirt that brought to mind a young Peter Stringfellow) and a pair of two tone brogues that he’d already bigged up as “my bad boys” guaranteed him this week’s honour.

With his dapper footwear we half-expected him to snatch up a cane and break into a song and dance routine on the boundary, and the Wags would have been more than happy to act as his high-kicking  backing troupe, but a stern look from the Headmaster rather quashed those thoughts.

BTW, the Wag’s Blog has been given exclusive access to sight of a rather more, erm, revealing outfit in Hughesy’s wardrobe.

Pictures are available upon application to Mrs Wag, but this offer comes with the strong advice that they are NSFW. VERY NSFW* or if you are of a delicate nature.

Mr Wag took one glimpse and looked rather ill, but then he is a big girl’s blouse.

*Not safe For Work

BEST CAKE

Step forward Hughesy, again. This marks a first for the Wag’s Blog – a man winning both best-dressed and best cake, in a week in which best cake is,  in fact, best pie.

Indeed, it was only the slight problem that he wasn’t actually playing that stopped us from awarding him best player too, such is our admiration for the man.

The savoury section of the cricket tea was an embarrassment of riches this week, with the younger element helping to boost Waitrose’s profits with a mass buy of their family sized pork pie selection.

On the cake front, the Laws clan, who in their sheer number, sporting prowess and willingness to help set up in the morning, have been dubbed  sort of cricketing version of the Von Trapp family, win an honourary mention for their lovely scones with jam and cream.

But our darling Hughesy triumphed with his cheese and onion pie, a thing of such beauty that it was still being talked about days later by the Professor, who as we all know is also Goddess of All Things Culinary and GCC’s answer to Nigella.

Now, Hughesy had been telling us of this pie in the BB the night before, and there was some concern that he was setting himself up for a fall with his, let’s be frank, IMMODEST description of the thing.

But it more than lived up to his boasting. Light, lovely pastry that HE HAD MADE HIMSELF, piquant filling and a kick which, he told us, came from a quarter of a bottle of Lea and Perrins, made this the dish of the day.

It disappeared faster than it takes the Wags to drink a bottle of rose (and believe us, that’s faster than Usain Bolt) and Mr Wag is already pestering for the recipe.

Men swapping recipes, men constantly winning best-dressed, Mr F Burkitt’s cake making …at this rate it’ll be the Wags doing the bowling and batting and Cap’s Wilson fretting over the teas.

BEST PLAYER

So with Hughesy out of the running, this week’s accolade goes to Mark “mini” Dawkins.

We are reliably informed that he hit the ball around the pitch and racked up runs as well as fielding rather well, but we were more impressed with his sheer nonchalance whilst doing all of this.

At one point he managed to have a crafty fag while simultaneously keeping watch at the boundary closest to the Wags, and we wouldn’t have put it past him to have had ciggie in hand as he hit a six.

Well done, Dawkins, your prize is breakfast in bed, to be served by John Roos.

Mwah Mwah!