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May 21

Fifty Shades of Frock

gsIckleton visited Spring Lane on Sunday for a (I still can’t quite believe it) sunny, uninterrupted game of cricket. Unfortunately, GCC’s cricket did not quite live up to the meteorological conditions as you will read in the soon to appear match report. Here, I’d rather focus on another area of the game where I felt Ickleton gained the upper hand early on with a vice like grip which they never released. It was pretty ruthless but all credit to them for seeing an opportunity to put the opposition under pressure from the get go. It wasn’t as simple as ‘putting the ball in the right places’ (which in my case they absolutely did) or ‘asking the batters questions’ (can you hit this one? for example). I’m referring of course to their Swag….. For example: Matching shirts contained practical information such as where to return the wearer if he/she is found in a state of disorientation and were emblazoned with their favourite animal to spot/eat whilst on Safari. In addition, Bright red caps were free of sponsors’ logos which really helped me to distinguish the two sides especially while they were batting.

GCC in contrast could only offer a few matching sweaters (mine apparently will be delivered in at least ‘two to three weeks’ i.e. just before the season ends), which in fairness do feature a very useful logo which tells you what the time is and what’s more it is actually correct twice a day. There was also one tie which was admittedly tastefully colour coordinated with aforementioned sweaters. I’m afraid the head coverings were a rather wretched mish-mash of ‘sun’ hats one of which was abandoned (presumably as some sort of sartorial protest) at Spring Lane and now adorns a horizontal surface at HQ. Other ‘highlights’ included some logo infested caps although they were at least so faded that I couldn’t make out what the wearer was endorsing and a hat recommending a Florida University.

However, it was not all bad news. GCC had clearly grasped the ‘wear white’ concept rather than the ‘50 Shades of Grey’* approach favoured by our visitors. There was also encouragement in the tea tent. Though I made some of it myself, I must say it was a spectacular spread. Highlight was a logo decorated cake which must be the first consumable Swag seen on (or at least close to) a Cambridgeshire cricket pitch. Maybe this is the way forward and GCC should ‘play to its strengths’ and avoid the ‘corridor of uncertainty’ which, whilst often just outside one’s off-stump, is usually where the Gents/Ladies can be found after a few too many of one’s favourite beverages.

Name withheld by request.

*This is totally unfair, I counted only two or three but I couldn’t resist this cheap contemporary literature reference

ps Please note all quotes can be found in any post match interview with any cricketer and/ or Sir Geoffrey Boycott Esq.

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